


Fuck or Die - Option B, Thanks

by BrilliantLady



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Partners, Fuck Or Die, Gen, Stubborn Harry Potter, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrilliantLady/pseuds/BrilliantLady
Summary: An odd witch has kidnapped Auror partners Harry and Draco, and orders them to make love to each other... or else! But the duo aren't very co-operative with her plan.





	Fuck or Die - Option B, Thanks

Harry and Draco were both trained Aurors – well-regarded, accomplished, and respected. Which was why it was incredibly embarrassing that the both of them had been overpowered and kidnapped by a strange, obsessive witch in a hooded robe. Alright admittedly she’d caught them by surprise at the tail end of a mission when they mistook her for a witness with confidential information to share. Also, fighting back didn’t go so well when she’d taken their wands off them with some swift and well-timed spells. The humiliation of defeat was a burning weight inside Harry’s chest, but Draco looked as much irritated as embarrassed.  

They woke up in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, trapped inside a large warded circle she’d inscribed onto the hut’s wooden floorboards. They were able to touch each other (if they wanted to, which they didn’t) but unable to cross the circle’s border. Then it got worse. The witch removed their clothes with a spell and cackled happily to herself as she took some photos of their naked bodies. Harry turned his back and covered his crotch with his hands, but Draco just crossed his arms and glared at their captor resentfully.

“Now, make love to each other!” she commanded gleefully, rubbing her hands together expectantly.

“Don’t be absurd!” drawled Draco, his voice thick with disdain.

“No way!” said Harry.

She drew in an angry breath, and snatched up her wand and pointed it at them. “I won’t have you ruining my plan! Not when I’m so close to success! You’ll do it or… or… I’ll kill you both!”

“I’d rather die,” said Harry. “It’s as easy as going to sleep.”

“You’d rather die than sleep with me? I’m offended,” sniffed Draco.

“What? Have you been secretly lusting after me?”

“Of course not. Have you _looked_ in a mirror? Your hair is like a rat’s nest. Even if I was into blokes I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole.”

Harry nodded. “Likewise. Ginny’s the one for me, and I’m really not into you.”

The witch’s pointed wand trembled in her hand as she whined, “But she’s just a fangirl, and you don’t have any _passion_ with her. Not like with Draco – that simmering tension. You were supposed to make out…”

Draco gave her a disbelieving stare, eyebrows arched. “We’re just co-workers, and barely cordial to each other,” he said. “It’s not going to happen without the Imperius Curse, and that speccy git can fight it off, you know. And I wouldn’t just lie back and think of England – I’ll do my best to kill him if he tries it so it won’t be the show you’re hoping for.”

“Ginny’s going to get _creative_ when she finds you,” warned Harry. “And she will. Every Auror in the country is going to hunt you down too.”

Draco laughed at him. “You think your fiancée will scare her? Miss Bat Snot?”

Draco turned to the disappointed-looking witch, and in a low voice thick with menace said, “What do you think _my father_ will do when he finds you? Hmm? He’s fresh out of Azkaban. Still a little _unbalanced_.”

“I’m sure Mr Malfoy couldn’t be held responsible for his actions in court, if he’s not mentally well,” said Harry, trying for a serious countenance but with a grin creeping out despite his best efforts. “I’d vouch for him, the poor man.”

“No-one will find us,” their kidnapper said, not sounding too confident any more. “Get kissing. Or… I’ll torture you.”

She looked even more nervous when she saw a secretive smile on Draco’s face, rather than the fearful expression she was probably hoping for. Though no doubt not as much as she was hoping for a _lustful_ expression.

“What?” she asked worriedly.

“I have contingency plans, of course,” he taunted, with a smirk. “This is hardly my _first_ death threat. Of course, they’re usually anonymous Howlers. It’s practically monotonous at this point to have my life threatened. Rape threats too. Blah, blah Death Eater scum, blah blah what’s coming to you. Ho hum. I’ve heard it all before.”

Draco gave an exaggerated yawn for effect. “Death and rape threats. You are _unoriginal_. So dull.”

“It’s not rape!” she cried. “You two will like it once you try it, I’m sure. And I’ll be paid-” she cut herself off with a disappointed huff.

“Not enough, I’m sure,” said Harry.

“Can’t you just kiss a bit, at least?” she pleaded. “I’ll take a few photos, then let you go. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“No. Are you going to get to the murder any time soon? You can start with him.” Harry jerked his head in Draco’s direction.

“You complete tosser! All noble and good – what a laugh. What would your fans think of you now if they could hear that? Start with _him_!” Draco insisted.

“No, wait!” yelled Harry. “I’ve changed my mind!”

The witch perked up. “Had a change of heart?”

“Yes. Don’t kill Draco. Not right away. _Torture_ him first,” said Harry.

“You wanker! You complete and utter _bastard_! We’re supposed to be partners! Torture _him_!” Draco cried out aggrievedly, glaring at Harry angrily, shoving at his chest. Harry stumbled back a step with a laugh, before bouncing off the ward boundary unharmed. “What kind of Dark witch are you, anyway? You should be after revenge on the Man Who Conquered!”

The witch watched the two of them thoughtfully. “Are you _sure_ all this tension isn’t just a smokescreen for a deep, passionate yearning for each other?” she asked optimistically.

“Very sure.”

“Absolutely,” agreed Draco. “Give me my wand, and I’ll prove it. I’ll torture him myself, if it’ll get me out of here. What do you say? I could join you.”

“I’m not falling for that,” she sneered. “You must think I’m some kind of idiot.”

Draco snickered to himself, ribs quaking as he tried and failed to contain his amusement. “Who am I to fly in the face of overwhelming evidence?”

“Torture him for that, go on,” urged Harry. “It’s a _lifetime sentence in Azkaban_ for the Cruciatus, but don’t let that stop you. Ferret-face here tried it on me once, and didn’t even get detention. You might get away with it too.”

“I did not! I had barely started, and you gutted me like a fish! I could have been casting Cruori – just to make you bleed – you didn’t know. You can’t hold one syllable against me.”

“Legally, it still should have counted,” argued Harry.

“No it shouldn’t. I was a minor – no jail time. As an Auror, you should know that. What score did you get in your written exam, anyway? Or did you just write your name and ‘I defeated the Dark Lord’ at the top of the page, and hand it in for an Outstanding?”

Harry huffed in irritation. “I’ll have you know I passed fair and square, no brown-nosing required. Which is more than one could say for _your_ admittance to the Auror Office, Mr Generous Donation.”

The witch looked at the two of them as they argued, eyes narrowing. “Are you just stalling for time?”

“Told you she was thick,” laughed Draco.

“Took her long enough, didn’t it? Do you think that should be enough?”

“Probably,” said Draco companionably. “We’ll know if she tries to do a runner.”

The witch stumbled back from them nervously, and glanced out the hut’s window. Whipping up her wand and spinning on the spot, she tried to Apparate away, without success.

Harry gave a satisfied nod. “Yeah, that was long enough. What do you think she is – ex-Death Eater?”

“Ex-girlfriend of yours, more likely,” snorted Draco, “with a weird voyeur kink. Cho, perhaps?”

“Are you kidding? She might have dark hair, but she looks nothing like Cho.”

“Could be anyone, under Polyjuice.”

The woman sighed in defeat and tapped her wand on the runes ringing their imprisoning circle. They flared with a blue light before disappearing.

Draco stepped out and ignored the woman with a pointed dismissively turned back as he moved to his pile of discarded clothes and started dressing.

“I’m a reporter for the _Witch Weekly_ ,” she confessed, shoulders slumped. “I wouldn’t really have hurt you, you know.”

Harry shrugged, and kept an eye on her as he rummaged in the pile of clothes for his underwear and pants. “I’d guessed you weren’t really keen on that. There’s other spells or potions you could’ve used besides the Unforgiveables, if you’d really wanted to persuade us.”

“Don’t give her ideas for a defence, she might still get off if her family’s pure-blood,” warned Draco, buttoning up his shirt. “Even though I have _bruises_ , and she cut my shirt off like a barbarian instead of undoing the buttons. I don’t know who she is, but she’s definitely not a reporter for _Witch Weekly_. I know _all_ their reporters.”

“Freelance,” the witch muttered defensively. “I needed the money.”

“Oh no, don’t you dare look sympathetically at her!” Draco said, whirling on Harry and jabbing a finger into his chest. “I have _bruises_ , Harry! And I know we need the photos for evidence, but if any of those pictures leak to the press, I will have my rev-”

Harry coughed pointedly and gave Draco a warning look.

“-Justice,” finished Draco with a huff. “I’ll see justice done.”

Aurors burst in the door to surround them all shortly after that, and the woman was carted off to the Ministry without resistance.

“Worst fangirl ever,” said Harry. “Worse than the one who tipped a cauldron of love potion over my head and hoped that I’d swallow some.”

“We could fight in public more often?” offered Draco.

“Might just get them more riled up. Give my best to Astoria, won’t you?”

“She still doesn’t like you.”

“It wasn’t _my_ fault that Graphorn gored you!”

Draco rolled his eyes. “If you hadn’t been so busy arresting the smuggler-”

The two of them bickered amicably, only pausing for a brief moment when they Apparated back to the Auror Office to write up their reports. For the witch, it was quite possibly the most dramatic and life-changing event of her existence. For them, it was just another Tuesday.


End file.
